


I Don't Help Cops

by ConfessionForAnotherTime



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, casual Sister/Simmons, eventual Suckington
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:29:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4577022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionForAnotherTime/pseuds/ConfessionForAnotherTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sister gives Wash advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Help Cops

“Why do you want my help, cop?” Kai asked with a sneer.

Wash sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not a cop.”

“That’s the kind of thing a cop would say.” She picked at her nails, balancing herself on a crate.

“Listen. I don’t have time to argue about this. I need your help.”

“What does a cop need my help for?” She twirled her hair between her fingers.

“Well, you’re good at things. Things I need help with,” Wash told her as he looked away, shaking his head. “I don’t exactly want to explain it to you right here though. If Tucker---”

“I’m not good at a lot of stuff. Unless you’re talking about what Tucker and I did behind blue--”

“YES. That. Here, come with me.”

Wash led her to his bunk motioning for her to sit down on the bed. He latched the door behind him, checking the hallway to be sure no one had seen.

“Now, if you don’t know, Tucker and I are--” Wash started, gesturing to help her understand.

“Gay,” she offered, buffing her nails with the emery board.

“Yes. And since you have experience with--” Wash continued, raising an eyebrow as to where the board came from, shaking his head to dismiss the thought.

“Dicks,” Kai supplied, blowing on her nails.

“Yes. I figured you could help.” Wash looked around, hoping no one had heard.

“So what do you want to know? I mean, don’t cops get tips in how to seduce people?” She rolled her eyes at how ridiculous _he_ sounded, shoving her emery board back into her tactical pack.

“Those are only the cops that go undercover for prostitution stings. I’m still not a cop,” Wash reiterated, rolling his eyes.

“Still though. Don’t you know what you like?” She pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, making him blush.

“Well yeah, but what does that have to do with it?”

“Well,” Kaikaina commented, “there’s the thing you do with your tongue and you---” She leaned in to whisper, giggling as Wash’s eyes shot open. Wash narrowed his eyes, shaking his head a little.

“Guys like that?” he asked in shock.

“Well, usually. Most guys will say they don’t like it but I’ve never heard any complaints.” She winked at Wash.

“Is there anything else I should try?”

“Most of the other ones I know have weird names like Angry Dragon or the Rusty Trom---”

“Ya know what, I’m not even going to ask. Thank you though.” Wash turned to leave, waving at her as he went. Wash got up, unlatching the door and peeking his head out. He motioned for her to skitter out and she gave a wave, wishing him luck.

“Here’s hoping that she actually knows something about this.”

Wash started out the door to the mess hall. “Hey Tucker!”

Kai grinned widely as she watched Wash disappear, hopping off the crate and making her way over to red base for the sake of visiting Grif and Simmons.

\---

“Kaikaina fucking Grif!” Tucker stomped his way into red base, her presence seemingly unnoticed thanks to Simmons being preoccupied with the way she was sucking on his neck. Tucker’s armor was strippedoff and he had managed to only pull on his body suit halfway, leaving the arms to wobble and flail at his sides.

“Uh, yeah?” Kai blew a bubble from her gum, her face souring when she realized it had lost its flavor. “Whaddaya want?”

“What the hell did you tell Wash to do? I fucking know it was you because _you_ tried that on _me_ when _we_ fucked a while back and---” Tucker threw his hands up in the air when she started laughing. “I don’t fucking believe this. Why would you tell him to do that?”

“Because it’s fucking funny.” Kai held onto Simmons as he tried to inch away from her, blushing intensely. He turned as red as the beanbag they were laying on when Grif joined them with a bag of chips. “Also, you need to loosen up. You at least liked it when I did it to you, so what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I didn’t expect my boyfriend to talk to the girl I used to bang about varying sex acts in order to get me off, some of which are rather complicated and I still don’t know how he pulled it off.” Tucker threw his hands up in exasperation.

“So, you liked it, you liked that he did it, you liked it when I did it. Why are you complaining?” She ran her fingers over the side of Simmons face, smiling wide when he wiggled closer to Grif.

“Kai, would you mind leaving your hands off Simmons so much? He’s always extra---” Grif made a vague hand gesture. Kai rolled her eyes, getting up off the bean bag. She motioned for Tucker to follow her out of the base before Sarge noticed they were there, waving goodbye to Simmons and pointing to her neck. Grif peeked over at Simmons’ neck and shot his sister a glare because they had “talked about this.”

“Are you going to make a big deal out of this? I was trying to help you out here. If you don’t want me to help, then by all me---” Kai fell silent when Tucker kissed her then started off in the direction of blue base, motioning for her to follow him. “What the tits, Tucker?”

“Thank you? Yeah, thank you. Like, I didn’t expect it and really, I didn’t come over right away because Wash and I were busy talking about you being around more to interject more ideas into our sex life. Though, we have one for yours.” Tucker kept talking as they walked back to blue base.

Kai snorted. “Oh really?” She rolled her eyes. “And what’s that?” She didn’t notice Wash slide up behind her when Tucker leaned in to kiss her again, leaning down to kiss her when Tucker pulled away.

“We think you should add us in front time to time. Ya know, for fun,” Wash offered, twirling his finger in her hair.

“Can I show you two my ping pong ball trick?” she asks, bouncing in between them.

“Wait, what?”

 


End file.
